your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
