Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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