matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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