Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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