I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
