I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
