Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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