Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
