i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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