We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Just puked most of my soul out..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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