i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
