His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
