You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Randomize
