do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
