Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
