I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
