her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
