Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
