No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
