i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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