Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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