Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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