i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
