Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
