is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
