There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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