We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
