I am puke
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
