my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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