Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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