also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
