He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
