Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
