I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
