Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
