I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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