Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
