I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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