In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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