I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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