dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
