Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
