Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
