dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
