Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
