me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
