why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
