Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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