two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will be naked everywhere
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
