I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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