I could make wine with my vomit
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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