Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
