my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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