the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
