If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize