woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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