i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
