I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
