I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize