i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize