i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
