you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize