In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
