i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
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