As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
wow bdsm is so cute
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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