chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
