its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
