I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
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why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
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This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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