if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
