i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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