I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
